Well the flight into Auckland was not as troublesome and fairly easier, bearing in mind Auckland has an International Runway unlike Wellington!
Ashley and I are back in the Hotel in Auckland, where we started the tour and it’s great. Feels like home-except home is Scotland!
I had a great gig at the all woman Diva show here in Auckland last night and my one woman comedy show ‘Good Godley’ at the International Comedy Festival opens tonight at Silo Theatre.
I am doing a book signing today with my autobiography ‘Handstands in the Dark’ at Whitcoulls on the Corner today at 12-30. I am excited, I went in yesterday and there was a huge shelf full of my face all over it!
Last night at the Diva’s was well funny, the local awesome comic Jan went on camera (my daughter s making a documentary of the tour) and told the whole story how she is a host on the porn channel here in NZ and she actually had sex with the famous porn star Ron Jeremy when he came to NZ recently! The intimate details were so funny and apparently she is number 5, 683 that he has fucked!
She then stripped for the camera and showed us her boobies! So funny!
I haven’t had sex with anyone famous (other than in my head) but I did have a chat with George Clooney in a toilet and he kissed me on the cheek, I also got to feel Jake Gylenhall’s bum at the BAFTA awards so my stories were dull by comparison.
The weather here is nice, I caught the ferry over to Devonport yesterday for lunch and that place is beautiful and magical. The wee town looks like something out of the weather-clap-board houses from some American family sitcom, somehow familiar yet olde-worlde!
The late night parties have finally caught up with my daughter Ashley, she is exhausted and went to bed early last night, I went to a local Japanese restaurant and the first course was cold hard cabbage leaves with sludgy mayonnaise! Yuk.
I was tempted by the sushi, but after last years fiasco at the Edinburgh Fringe where I ate sushi and had a violent reaction and ended up in the Emergency room getting adrenaline pumped into my blistering body-I passed on the sushi. The last thing I need here in NZ is a visit to the hospital and injections to stop my tongue from swelling up, it aint funny.
I am really looking forward to getting onstage tonight and doing my stuff.
Talk soon.

Well that was fun, I loved Wellington. We were there for two whole weeks; sorry the blog was late but having a migraine was a bastard to deal with. My season at Downstage was amazing, I got really good ticket sales –great reviews and made good friends with Tibald the theatre cat, I am happy.
Wellington was a bit like an episode of ‘Lost’ with all the local comics taking the central roles from the show.
Local comics made us so welcome-David the Jew was the wee English drug addict character, who provided me with serious painkilling drugs, he was all hyper and funny, his comedy style is so far out there at times I am sure the Late Great Malcolm Hardee (Godfather of alternative comedy in UK) would enjoy David’s madness; Noor was Syeed, all broody and sexy Arab-like and very funny onstage, Cori was the Sawyer character-the guy you cannot truly trust though he did keep us all together, he was hysterical with his wry songs and dry humour ( and a keen constant observant eye on Ashley but maybe not in a fatherly helpful way therefore he must die-shame we liked him as well…JOKING…hehhehehe) and Steve was the trustworthy doctor Jack, providing us with a good sense of security and making the stage a great place to come onto, he is a wonderfully funny comic. T.J is a very funny stand up, unfortunately he is too skinny to be Hurley (the fat bloke from Lost) but none the less a great person to share a stage with.
The people who run Downstage Theatre are invisible and were never seen by me or my daughter, I know they exist but I don’t know who they are, a bit like the people who control the Island in Lost!
Of course ‘Blanket-man’ is that dude down the hole!
So there we have it, so we are here in Wellington airport, praying that the flight out is not anywhere as scary as the flight coming in. Wellington airport has a runway the size of a garden path in Hobbiton. You literally land with a bump and your ovaries smack the insides of your inner ear, please please let the take off be easier.
So Auckland here we come….Goodbye Wellington, great memories and Tibald the Cat will forever stay in my heart. It was strange I never met the theatre organisers but Tibald was there every night that my show was on, he sat in the foyer and walked me through to the dressing room, sat beside me until it was time to take the stage….so maybe Tibald actually runs Downstage theatre. He is the main guy behind the scenes and you know what? He is good at it!
Do go check all my latest videos and audio blogs on Livedigital.

I have now had a headache for 27 hours, I was panicking last night as the show was booked out good and my head is pounding like a big nail has been hammered into the side of my head. I managed to go on stage and have a really cool gig, but I am scared inside as even when I sleep this fucking pain pulsates. If I move my head too quick my vision gets blurred! I am gonna die!
I woke up to the small angry dwarves in my head banging nails and smiled through the pain as I got a great review in The Dominion Post (Wellington’s big broadsheet) I will summarise it for you.
“There are times of silence that only a pin drop could punctuate. This is what makes Godley compelling, she is naturally funny”
So I am happy, I just want this pain to disappear soon as I have another busy night and it’s hard when the stage lights blind me and make the pain sear further into my brain.
I hope I don’t have a brain tumour, I know that sounds paranoid, but I am scared.
Speak soon. Send me painkilling vibes?

Yes, it did and I am so chuffed it went great, I had a really full house and loads of people laughed in all the right places. I was so nervous at first, but I did it and Ashley taped it for me. A guy actually asked me to do a ‘tumble’ on stage and I did! I forgot I had a hairclip in and that jagged me head.
Also, I got a note at the theatre, a guy called Robert contacted me to say he saw me on telly in NZ and he knew me when I had the pub 12 years ago. I knew him well, I was so surprised to find out he had moved to Wellington, Robert was a 22 year old dude who drank in my bar, he remembered Ashley when she was eight years old….was he in for a surprise!
Anyway Robert came to meet us and took us to meet his lovely wife and two wee cute kids, Jimmy and Mary (Good Scottish names!). It was so nice to see a face from my past…..still cannot believe he is all grown up and lives in NZ! He used to live in the Calton.
We went up to Victoria Point and you could see all over Wellington from this beautiful vantage point. It was breathtakingly beautiful.
I met ‘Blanket-man’ on my way to the theatre tonight as I went to do my show. Blanket-man is a big Rasta haired dark skinned man who is naked but for a pair of very un-sexy pants, he sits on the streets of Wellington drinking and shouting at passers by. I shared my pre show sandwich with him and chatted for a wee bit. People looked at me oddly as I sat with him; he is a cool crazy man whom I like. Sometimes to know a place fully you have to meet the people other avoid.
I now have another insect bite, this one is under my chin and getting redder by the fucking minute….Beasties hate me…
I am tired and off to bed, my latest video blog is going to Livedigital tomorrow, or as soon as I can load it up as NZ is a third world country as far as the web is concerned. It takes ages to do stuff as the service fluctuates. (read fluctuates as fucked).

I woke up this morning and I have two big insect bites on my ankles, yes! Some nasty wee fucking bitey things had a feast on my ankle, I have two huge lumps that have the tiny wee pin head red entry zone clearly marked….yuk some horrible thing was sucking on me! My husband has this strange philosophy that if you talk to insects they won’t hurt you; now two things are flawed with this arrangement.
1) I can’t see them spraying their evil anaesthetic on me as they prepare to eat, so how can we chat?
2) I am not the fucking bee whisperer

So there we have it. To top it all off, I managed to burn my forehead with hair straighteners, I wanted a nice hair do and ended up with a strange Maori branding that I never expected.
Last night after the Diva’s show (it went great) Ashley and I were rehearsing some of the comedy sketches we will be doing at Edinburgh’s Fringe Festival. Ashley excitedly told me she had developed a new skit, so we went ahead and improvised ….the premise was that she was this annoying insincere Aussie therapist and every time I talked she nodded and said “yeah” over everything I said. Then it developed into her slapping my anger out of me, now it was funny but she got carried away and practically beat me up and I am sure she just did it to violently pound me about the head with her huge palms! She is getting bored of my company I think.
On another note, there is a huge ginger cat at Downstage Theatre called Tibald, Ashley is smitten by this funny cat except last night as she stoked its big fat ginger belly, the cat nudged her hand down and tried to get her to stroke its cat cock! I kid you not; it lay there with its legs open and was trying to sexually assault my child! Ashley was screaming, the cat merely stood up winked at her and strolled saucily into the catflap with a sexy swagger. Ashley said she felt dirty “Mum I played all night with that cat and it made me feel like a one night stand whore, it actually was headbutting my hand to get it down to its wee cat man willie, then when I refused it just strutted away…yuk that is Colin Farrell the cat”
Don’t worry we have it on video, not the cat sexually enticing my daughter, just the cat itself.
So tonight I nursed my insect bites and vowed to learn mosquito talk in the hope I can charm the bastards away from my flesh. I hate beasties.
Tomorrow ‘Good Godley’ finally opens in Wellington.
I was in the society type gossip column yesterday, photographed beside NZ’s famous comic and actor Mike King. Mike is good old mate from when I came to NZ before, I love his stuff and we had a natter at the Gala after party. So I am off to apply more antiseptic to my burnt head, I cannot believe I am going onstage tomorrow with a scorched and faintly well slapped head…thanks to my daughter.